A DEDICATION TO DEMI
MOM ~ BROTHER JAKE ~ SISTER SAIGE
~ MY MASK ~
A mask I placed upon me, the day that that Demi died,
The price it cost was her life, a mask you can not buy.
It is recognized by other moms, that wear the same disguise,
They wear one too, just like me, the day their child dies.
Hence that day I have been diligent, with a daunting task.
To recreate the assortment, of my many masks.
I have constructed them carefully; you think your seeing me,
I wear them to bring you comfort of the way I used to be.
Wearing a mask I discovered, it helps me day to day,
It protects me from the outside world and keeps their questions at bay.
The mask replaces my face beneath, to all I’m looking well
However, if they saw beneath this mask exposes just a shell.
You say that you have seen me, a mother in despair,
Upon my face is dreadful pain, no mother would want to wear.
I understand if you look away, for what is one to say?
That is why I wear a mask upon my face today.
When I am home, I am safe, a place of needed reprieve
The mask I wear it melts away, exposing my face to me.
With tears I cry “Please help me Lord, this pain I can not bear”
This ache that lives in me, there’s nothing that compares.
See me today; 6 years gone by without my daughter here.
The uncomfortable mask is getting old that covered my greatest fear,
I am living through the toughest time, a parent could achieve.
To pull the weight of this world with a child in eternity.
How do I speak to you Demi, do you hear my voiceless plea?
I strain to hear your answers, but there is none I hear or see.
Do I speak to you in my heart? Can you hear me then?
Or will you never hear my screams and cries and tears that have no end.
I do know Dem if you do not, the immense emptiness within my heart.
I fight a battle never to win, in a life that we’re apart.
Jesus does know my heart, the emptiness that is now there,
but is Heaven such perfect place our hearts you and I can’t share?
Can you feel me and think as I do of you? Or is heaven a place
where even a mother’s love is taken and replaced with something new?
Dem please whisper in my heart what you’re like today.
Maybe you can if you try because the Bible said you’re not far away.
What is it like to take a last breath; did you see Jesus right away?
Did you cry inside though no one heard the way I do today?
Does God still allow a connection between you and me?
I know on this earth he does, but in Heaven? Demi, please answer me.
In my life the answers I search as though I am blind,
so I will reach for God’s hand, for in Him…Demi I will find.
In this life I carry a heavy cross upon my back,
it isn't faith or hope it’s endurance that I lack.
So if you see me stop and rest with this cross that I must bear,
know that I will get back up to get from here to there.
I've been having a lot of rough days lately Dem. It seems like its getting even harder without you around, but I know your watching me all the time and I don't need to stress to you how bad I wish I could wake up everyday and see and hear you,even if it was you and Saige arguing.
You were my first sister Demi, we were the first 2 and nothing is ever going to change that. You always looked up to me as your big brother and you know I was always there to protect you and help you.
I swear to God if I ever saw a man put their hands on you it would be the end.
I remember back in 10th grade I heard a kid was talking about you because you didn't like him and he said a few things that I didn't appreciate and I told myself that I would not let that fly. I hit him about 30 times and I think he got the point to never talk to you again.
I went up to Conneaut Lake earlier this week. and it was just me and gram-ma. . I know how much you liked going there and to be honest it felt completely different. When we were younger we slept in the same room a few times and I couldn't do it without you Dem, I slept on the couch. I wouldn't do it without you there it doesn't feel right.
I pray every night for you Demi, and for our family.. I'm trying so hard to make it. its tearing me apart though. Nothing will ever fill that first sister spot in my heart until I can see you again and give you the biggest hug and kiss you can imagine.
I promise you Demi, I'll see you there, your my motivation now I'm the one looking up to you. I love you beyond belief Demi, please keep me safe and our family.
your big brother Jake...